Quotes

Quotes I have enjoyed over the years:


Against stupidity, even the gods themselves struggle in vain.

—Isaac Asimov

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

—Albert Einstein

Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.

—Harry S. Truman

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

—Frank Leahy

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

—W. C. Fields

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

—George Carlin

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

—Albert Einstein

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

—Henry Cate VII

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.

—Ted Turner

Aways acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

—Mark Twain

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.

—Blaise Pascal

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

—Doug Larson

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

—Winston Churchill

Once you've learned to study in a bathing suit on the grass with muscled men throwing frisbees over your head, you can accomplish almost anything.

—Susan Rice

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

—Oscar Wilde

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

—Aesop

A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

—Caskie Stinnett

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

—Quentin Crisp

Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.

—Italian Proverb

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.

—Laurence J. Peter

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

—Winston Churchill

I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist.

—Sally Kempton

There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.

—Albert Camus

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

—Michael Friedman

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

—Casey Stengel

People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust.

—E. B. White

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

—Ronald Reagan

The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.

—Herbert Agar

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.

—Joseph Heller

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.

—Aneurin Bevan

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....

—Charles M. Schulz

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

—Dave Barry

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.

—Gore Vidal

There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.

—Robert Half

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

—John Buchan

My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing.

—Jessica Alba

Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.

—Louise Beal

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

—John Benfield

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.

—Blaise Pascal

If you torture the data long enough, it will confess.

—Ronald Coase

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

—Buzz Aldrin

I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.

—Frank Deford

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

—Tom Lehrer

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.

—Eric Hoffer

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

—Robert McCloskey

Si vis pacem para bellum.

—Vegetius

Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.

—Carlos A. Urbizo

Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress.

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

—Thomas Jefferson

Religion is to spirituality what pornography is to sexuality.

—Bruce M. Foster

An atheist is a man who watches a Notre Dame - Southern Methodist University game and doesn't care who wins.

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

How far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without?

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

I have found out in later years that we were very poor, but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying as to make the thought of global war include almost a sentence for suicide, you would think that man's intelligence and his comprehension... would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

—Dwight D. Eisenhower

Anger is a Condition in Which the Tongue Works Faster than the Mind.

—Unknown

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

—Albert Einstein

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

—Albert Einstein

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

—Albert Einstein

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

—Robert Frost

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

—Robert Frost

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

—Robert Frost

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

—Robert Frost

Depression occurs when one looks back with no pride, and looks forward with no hope.

—Robert Frost

Jealousy feeds upon suspicion, and it turns into fury or it ends as soon as we pass from suspicion to certainty.

—François de La Rochefoucauld

Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.

—Ronald Reagan

I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

—Ronald Reagan

A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.

—Napoleon Bonaparte

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

—Kurt Vonnegut

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

—Albert Einstein

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

—Johnny Carson

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.

—H. L. Mencken

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.

—Harold Wilson

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

—Dorothy Parker

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

—Dick Cavett

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

—Unknown

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

—Ogden Nash

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.

—Senator Patrick Leahy

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.

—Donald H. Rumsfeld

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

—H. G. Wells

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.

—Jimmy Demaret

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

—Groucho Marx

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

—Lucille Ball

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

—Samuel Johnson

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

—Stephen Leacock

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.

—Vilhjalmur Stefansson

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.

—Adam Clayton Powell Jr.

Little by little we human beings are confronted with situations that give us more and more clues that we are not perfect.

—Fred Rogers

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

—George Washington

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

—Abraham Lincoln

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.

—Robert A. Heinlein

Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'

—Isaac Asimov

The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt

—Bertrand Russell - the Triumph of Stupidity (1933)

The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.

—Yeats, 1919

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

—Terry Pratchett